If you are like most of us, January 1st tends to be an attractive date to "get our act together". It happens every year. This could include losing weight, eating a healthier diet, joining the gym, starting a walking regimen, and of course, stopping the alcohol. After all, Dry January is kind of a cool thing these days, so January 1st seems to be the perfect date, right? You won't be alone, the press is even talking about it. It's a great excuse to tell others why you aren't drinking, without getting too much pushback. Hmmmm, is that really true? Keep reading.
Why do so many of us think that addressing our relationship with alcohol can only begin in January? Like the other months just don't count. It sort of makes sense. It's the beginning of the year, it's the first day of the month, it's after weeks of cookies, candy, food and celebration. Not to mention way too much cheer. It's OK to overdo it in December because January is right around the corner. That's a great month to start a new health kick, like one big happy family, so they say. This type of thinking can convince us that January 1st is the perfect day to stop drinking alcohol. And, if we find abstinence too scary, we can at least cut back. Guess what I finally figured out? January 1st isn't the only time of the year to change habits or address our drinking! It's just one day out of 365 days to choose from. Pick any day of the year, and that's as perfect as January 1st. So there is no better time than right now, today, this moment. It doesn't have to be January 1st.
So often we tell ourselves we can't stop drinking until after the wedding, the birthday party, the office party, the graduation, the holiday, the vacation, the anniversary, the memorial service, the divorce, the promotion or the new job. Then there is after the doctor appointment, after beginning an exercise program, after the 1st of the month (which can turn out to be every month), after the first of the year, the fall, the winter, the spring, the summer....... you get the idea. The “perfect time” doesn't exist, it's a thought in our head, yet so many feel they must abide by it. As if January is the only month out of the entire year we can make change for the better. Perhaps it's a way to delay what we know we really should be doing: addressing our relationship with alcohol, first and foremost.
So let's imagine January comes and we are super motivated to start our sobriety on the 1st. We spent the month of December drinking excessively up until that magical January 1st date. Almost, like there will be some kind of spell cast over us that creates the desire to become sober. January 1st begins, and perhaps a few days go by and we find ourselves feeling pretty good. Then we think it's ok to have just "one" drink. So begins the slippery slope of alcohol. Then the shame sets in when the booze starts flowing again. Is this proof that we are weak? Is it proof that we can't ever live without our beloved alcohol? Does it mean we can't try again until February 1st, after all it's a new month, blah blah blah. Which then becomes, March 1st, April 1st, and the months just slide by with habitual postponement. Next thing we know it's January 1st again. We can get so caught up on the date and where it sits on the calendar, that we forget that it's just a date, nothing more, nothing less. Toss out the dates and begin your journey today!
Some are blessed with a sobriety that flows easier than for others, but most find the struggles to be a challenge at times. That comes with any change, not just with alcohol. As much as we want our sobriety to come with ease and zero discomfort, it usually doesn't happen that way. It's easy to take a set back, data point, slip, or whatever the heck you want to call it, as a green light to say, "Ok, I tried, I failed, I'm going to drink". That thought may cross your mind, but may I suggest throwing that thought to the curb because it isn't true. It's a way alcohol tricks our brains. Alcohol is not our friend. Alcohol doesn't make our lives happier. Alcohol doesn't make life easier. Alcohol doesn't make our relationships better. Alcohol doesn't create good behavior. Alcohol doesn't foster good judgement. In fact it does the opposite. It makes us unhappy, depressed, anxious, unhealthy, unavailable and creates massive health problems. It makes our life harder, much harder. So, don't believe that story in your head that alcohol makes things better. That's a lie that alcohol wants us to believe.
From my perspective, after 27 months of sobriety (which took me a long time to finally get to), being laser locked on a date, can set one up for failure and disappointment. Just start now, at this moment. No other time is better than today. If it happens to be January 1st, great, but it can be any date. Meanwhile, do the work. What does this mean? Stay connected no matter what, even if you are still drinking. Baby steps are better than no steps. Withdrawing from others will only make things worse for you and delay the joy that is right around the corner. Join sober communities and actually become involved, but it’s ok to just listen too. Give new groups time to settle in. Try and not rush to judgement. If you find one group just doesn't float your boat, then find another. There is no shortage of sobriety groups! Listen to podcasts, read quit lit books and reach out to people you connect with. Even consider the guidance of a coach, which was life changing for me. Making your sobriety a daily practice should be as essential as daily self-care routines like brushing your teeth or taking a shower. Do this for YOU.
I can tell you this. I have never met a single person who has become sober and has regretted it. Not. One. Single. Person. Anyone can live a sober life and this includes YOU!
But most of all….give yourself some grace. Give your body some grace. Wrap your arms around yourself and know that you got this!
Warmly,
Sue
